April will mark McKinley's third birthday! I can't believe we will have a three year old running around. It sounds cliche, but where in the world did the time go? How is he three already? And, how has it been three years since I've hit the gym, performed in a show, taken a craft class or any other activity that I used to do before I had him. I don't resent him for it. I don't blame him for it. I just felt that I needed to be there 100% of the time, that I wasn't at work, in order to be the best mom to him I could be.
McKinley is going through what I can only imagine hope is a phase. If he and Joel are in a room together for a while, without me, and I come in to join McKinley will say "Go away, Mama." Or "Go back to the kitchen, Mama." Or back to whatever room I came from. He's also saying things like "Don't look at me, Mama." Or, "Don't talk, Mama." Or don't do anything around me mama. It's grating on my nerves! I've sat him down, looked him in the eye and say, "I don't like you saying these things, McKinley. Mama doesn't like anyone telling her what to do, just like you don't like us telling you what to do. I will look at you, dance in front of you, sing what I want, and I'm not going anywhere." For the record, when I do leave the room (and not at his request), he is usually following me within five minutes of my departure.
I've decided that maybe for the last almost three years I've been too available. I pick him up every day from my parents so that I can see him as soon as I get off work. I put him to bed every night, because he asks. We go to the store together on the weekends. I involve him in almost every aspect of my life. And maybe that's too much together time. So I've decided to make a change.
I am going to start taking a little more time for me. Even if it's an hour or two, I need it. And maybe he does too. So, I am working out one day a week which allows Joel to pick him one day a week. I would like to take a craft class and soon. I think learning to knit would be fun, since crocheting didn't work out so well. I would like to retake some of the Wilton cake decorating classes to refine old methods and learn new. I'm not interested in performing right now. And maybe not again. I am however, looking into taking a ballet class. I just purchased a Groupon from the Kansas City Ballet for unlimited classes for a month. I'm really excited about that!
Who knows if this will make a difference? Over the course of the past week, there have been less "Go away, Mama" and more "I want Mama to do it." Last week it was hard to even leave the room without my shadow, and in the back of mind, I rejoiced! But, I'm still going to take some time for me. Selfish or not, I think we both need it. I could really use new creative inspiration right now. And, some time on the treadmill!
I've decided that maybe for the last almost three years I've been too available. I pick him up every day from my parents so that I can see him as soon as I get off work. I put him to bed every night, because he asks. We go to the store together on the weekends. I involve him in almost every aspect of my life. And maybe that's too much together time. So I've decided to make a change.
I am going to start taking a little more time for me. Even if it's an hour or two, I need it. And maybe he does too. So, I am working out one day a week which allows Joel to pick him one day a week. I would like to take a craft class and soon. I think learning to knit would be fun, since crocheting didn't work out so well. I would like to retake some of the Wilton cake decorating classes to refine old methods and learn new. I'm not interested in performing right now. And maybe not again. I am however, looking into taking a ballet class. I just purchased a Groupon from the Kansas City Ballet for unlimited classes for a month. I'm really excited about that!
Who knows if this will make a difference? Over the course of the past week, there have been less "Go away, Mama" and more "I want Mama to do it." Last week it was hard to even leave the room without my shadow, and in the back of mind, I rejoiced! But, I'm still going to take some time for me. Selfish or not, I think we both need it. I could really use new creative inspiration right now. And, some time on the treadmill!
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