A Little Mommy Time

April will mark McKinley's third birthday! I can't believe we will have a three year old running around. It sounds cliche, but where in the world did the time go? How is he three already? And, how has it been three years since I've hit the gym, performed in a show, taken a craft class or any other activity that I used to do before I had him. I don't resent him for it. I don't blame him for it. I just felt that I needed to be there 100% of the time, that I wasn't at work, in order to be the best mom to him I could be.

McKinley is going through what I can only imagine hope is a phase. If he and Joel are in a room together for a while, without me, and I come in to join McKinley will say "Go away, Mama." Or "Go back to the kitchen, Mama." Or back to whatever room I came from. He's also saying things like "Don't look at me, Mama." Or, "Don't talk, Mama." Or don't do anything around me mama. It's grating on my nerves! I've sat him down, looked him in the eye and say, "I don't like you saying these things, McKinley. Mama doesn't like anyone telling her what to do, just like you don't like us telling you what to do. I will look at you, dance in front of you, sing what I want, and I'm not going anywhere." For the record, when I do leave the room (and not at his request), he is usually following me within five minutes of my departure.

I've decided that maybe for the last almost three years I've been too available. I pick him up every day from my parents so that I can see him as soon as I get off work. I put him to bed every night, because he asks. We go to the store together on the weekends. I involve him in almost every aspect of my life. And maybe that's too much together time. So I've decided to make a change.

I am going to start taking a little more time for me. Even if it's an hour or two, I need it. And maybe he does too. So, I am working out one day a week which allows Joel to pick him one day a week. I would like to take a craft class and soon. I think learning to knit would be fun, since crocheting didn't work out so well. I would like to retake some of the Wilton cake decorating classes to refine old methods and learn new. I'm not interested in performing right now. And maybe not again. I am however, looking into taking a ballet class. I just purchased a Groupon from the Kansas City Ballet for unlimited classes for a month. I'm really excited about that!

Who knows if this will make a difference? Over the course of the past week, there have been less "Go away, Mama" and more "I want Mama to do it." Last week it was hard to even leave the room without my shadow, and in the back of mind, I rejoiced! But, I'm still going to take some time for me. Selfish or not, I think we both need it. I could really use new creative inspiration right now. And, some time on the treadmill!

Motherhood and Selfishness

I'm an only child. And, for those of us only children, most people expect us to be selfish, self-centered people, right? I would like to think that I don't fit into either category. Yes, I do think about myself from time to time, but who doesn't? Am I selfish? Sure, when it comes to things like sharing my time with my child, sharing my mascara with others (gross) or sharing a toothbrush with my husband. Who does that anyway? So, when I thought about having a child, I knew that my time as an only would come to a screeching halt.

What do I mean by that? Well, as an only child, I'm doted on. It's a perk of being an only child and only only children know this behavior. You don't have to share your toys, your time with your parents, your anything. My parents gave me all of their attention but didn't lavish me with gifts. If anything, it was the opposite. I didn't get what I wanted when I wanted it. I got things for Christmas, Easter, Valentines and birthday just like everyone else. However, it didn't stop once I hit a certain age. I still get something for all of those holidays and I love it. Not afraid to brag about it. But, again, upon having a child, I knew somethings would change. I'm not the first person they hug upon entering the door. I'm not the first person they ask about when I call to say hello. And that's okay. That's how it's supposed to be.

The other part of being a mother means that there isn't much time for you anymore. You put all of your time and energy into your child without thought or regret. But, aren't there times when you just feel like being a little selfish? Or is that me? There are times where I miss waking up past 8:00 on a Saturday morning only to move to the couch and watch nothing on TV. I miss going out to dinner on a Friday night and then staying out way too late because we didn't need to come home. Hence, the waking up past 8:00 on a Saturday morning. I miss packing up and jetting off to NY or LA, or anywhere for that matter, because Joel and I needed to get away for a weekend. It doesn't mean I don't love my son any less, does it?

My latest selfish thought as been centered around a day of doing absolutely nothing and with no one in particular! And when I say nothing, what I really mean is having a pajama party and watching the Twilight Saga, in all five parts, from start to finish! Doesn't that sound completely amazing? I would start with lattes and breakfast. Lunch somewhere in between, preferably something delivered or a drive-thru. (I'm in my pajamas remember.) Then, I would conclude the evening with wine and pizza. A handful of girlfriends, tissues and munches would be a welcomed addition.

Midnight Showing of New Moon

Midnight Showing of Eclipse

Seriously, am I alone in this kind of thinking? Do other mothers wish for a day all to themselves? Or are you all saints and I'm simply that selfish, self-centered only child I didn't think I was? Anyone....