A Bad Day

Saturday, by normal standards, is the best day of the week. You don't have to set the alarm. You don't really have a set schedule to follow, unless you've planned it that way. You can be as lazy or as productive as you want. For me, it is the most irresponsible day of the week! Our Saturday started out fairly well. McKinley woke up about normal time, we played most of the morning, tried to have breakfast (he's not a great eater), and eventually got dressed to start the day. That's where the trouble started!

 

While Joel and McKinley tried to eat/finish up breakfast, I snuck off to shower. Once dressed, I got McKinley's clothes ready and asked him if he was ready to come upstairs and change clothes. The response I received was a very unfavorable. It sounded a little something like this, "NNNNNNOOOOOOOOO" but in a shrill, back of his throat kind of scream. This has been his response to most anything these days. McKinley, we need to change your diaper. See previous response. McKinley, let's go get a bath. See previous response. McKinley, let's get ready to go inside for dinner. See previous response. McKinley, please stop biting me..... You get the picture.

 

Eventually, I got McKinley dressed and let me tell you, he was adorable!! Adorable! I was so ready to get him out and show him off. Joel was going to do some prep work on the outside of the house to get it ready to paint. McKinley and I were going to go Father's Day shopping and run a couple of errands that I haven't been able to accomplish in weeks! That's when the storm hit. As soon as Joel left, I started gathering up all the necessary items to leave home. Diaper bag, diapers, container full of wipes, an extra outfit just in case, a few snacks and all of my essentials. As I headed upstairs to get wipes, a full on melt down began with tears, screams of "bye bye", McKinley scrambling up the stairs to find me only to find me at the top of the stairs. We sit down to put on McKinley's shoes and successfully get one shoe on before he squirms off my lap and starts heading for the living room. Now, I'm not one to play games when getting ready. I'm not going to chace him so I head up stairs to use the restroom one more time before we leave. Again, full on melt down with tears, screams of "bye bye" and him scrambling up the stairs to find me in the bathroom.

 

At this point, I am not taking him anywhere. Not only do I not want him around other people, I don't really want to be around him either. No offense kid, but mama is not a fan of this behavior. So, we head downstairs to wait it out. It only gets worse, so he has to sit on the rug. Remember, sitting on the rug is our "time out". So after rug time, and I sorry mama, we try it again. Full on melt down! Now after lap time and watching the Berenstain Bears, little one is out for a nap. Great! Not only is he taking a nap, which is clearly what he needed, but now I'm stuck at home with errands that won't get run and Father's Day gifts that won't be purchased.

 

What does one do now? I take off the errand running clothes I was in and put on working around the house clothes because this mama ain't going anywhere. And then I start to fume. Why is it that I never get to go anywhere and Joel goes wherever he wants? Because I feel that I need to take McKinley with me everywhere I go and he just goes. My issue isn't with him, it's with me. I don't take the attitude of, "Hey Joel, you stay here while I run around and do my own thing while you watch McKinley." To me, that's being selfish because I don't really need my time. My time is McKinley's time. But the more I thought about it, the madder I got. (Subsequently, that's when I do my best cleaning.)

 

The day just went downhill from there. After his nap, he was still pretty angry. He was dying to go outside and swing so I let him. Joel pushed the swing while I went back in the house to make lunch. I served it up on McKinley's little picnic table only to be met with...you guessed it, see previous response. Joel suggested he eat at the patio table so I made Joel lunch too. There they sat, Joel eating his lunch, McKinley constantly yelling down. I love when he throws a fit outside for all the neighbors to hear. Feel like excellent parents at that moment. Joel calmly finished his lunch, brought in McKinley, and his uneaten lunch, and made him sit on the rug. And sat on the rug he did. For most of the afternoon. I did most of the disciplining that day and by night fall, he wasn't speaking to me.

 

This is when you start to compare your parenting skills to others around you. I see photos on Facebook of my friends and their children who are roughly McKinley's age. They are smiling, laughing, eating in any scenario and eating foods that are actually nutritious. I see them looking happy and healthy and I think about my non-eating, screaming son who sat on the rug for most of Saturday. What am I doing wrong? Am I being too hard on him for lashing out at us when we make him do something he doesn't want to do? This is going to happen his entire life. He is going to do things that aren't right and I can't turn my back everytime he gets mad that I don't let him get his way. I have to note, we give McKinley a warning before we put him on the rug or take a toy away. We explain what he did was wrong and if he does it again, then the consequence is either sit on the rug or the toy is gone for the day.

 On Sunday morning I was armed with a new day. It had to be better than the day before, right? I sat on McKinley's bed and asked him if he was still mad at mama. He looked up at me with those chocolate brown eyes and said, "Mama sit on de rug." I told him he didn't have to sit on the rug right now and that yes, he did have to sit on the rug yesterday. At that moment, my heart was breaking. All he remembered was that mama made him sit on the rug the day before. He didn't remember that on Friday we spent the entire day together, playing, baking and sitting on a bench outside Red Robin while sharing a milkshake. No, those memories didn't stick. The sitting on the rug moments did.

 

We headed to the zoo on Sunday morning and spent the day as a family. It turned out to be the day I needed to make up for the day before. What I'm hoping is that he's remember the good, and the bad, and that the good will always out weigh anything else.

 

 

What are They, Superheros?

A typical evening in the lives of the Krasnows is pretty exciting, let me tell ya. I pick up McKinley from my parents, head home, make dinner, get McKinley in the bath, play for a bit and then try to get him to bed at a reasonable hour. What I can't seem to figure it out is how people get dinner on the table, kids in the bath and in bed by 7:00 or 7:30. I have to ask myself, are these people superheros? I can't get my kid home before 5:45 on most days. Dinner is usually on the table by maybe 6:30. McKinley is in the bath sometime after that and we are getting him calmed down around 8:00 in hopes of him getting to bed by 8:30. There is no way I can meet the 7:00/7:30 standard of bedtime.

When talking with Joel about a schedule for McKinley, we knew we wanted to have dinner as a family. I don't want him eating alone and then playing while we eat. We are a family and we are going to have family dinners for a very long time to come. Joel and I, pre-baby, were very late eaters. We would hit the gym a couple of times a week after work so we wouldn't get home until close to 6:00 or later. By the time we got home, made dinner and had it on the table, we were looking at 7:30 or 8:00. Changing to a 6:00/6:30 dinner time was a rough adjustment but I'm so happy with our commitment.

Even with all of this said, I still question the schedule we have for our son. Is 8:00/8:30 too late? Should one of us start dinner as soon as we got home to ensure that dinner is on the table no later than 6:00 in hopes that McKinley is in the bath sooner which would put him to bed sooner as well? I've compared myself to others mothers who seem to be making it work and I've had to tell myself to stop! I am not those other mothers, I'm McKinley's mother. Our schedule seems to be working and none of us seem to have many complaints. Plus, we have the luxury of having my parents as his "daycare" so when McKinley sleeps in during the week, my dad comes over before I leave for work and simply waits for McKinley to wake up. I'm not forced to wake him up early to get us out the door. Another reason for extended evenings of playtime!

The down side to a later evening? Sure Joel and I would like more TV time to relax, but we get to spend extra McKinley time which is relaxation enough. I would love to sit down and read a fashion magazine from cover to cover during the evening, but I can do that during his weekend naps. I would like to use the time to straighten up the house, but no one comes over to visit anyway so what's the use. It's all about compromise, right?

I constantly struggle with my mothering skills, as I'm pretty sure they suck, but McKinley seems to be happy with me as his mom and that's all that matters, right? Joel and I get moments to spend with each other when McKinley does finally go down in the evenings, but we are both so tired at the end of the night that we're usually sleep within in minutes as well. I figure, earlier evenings are on the horizon once he starts pre-school so I'm going to enjoy my baby boy time for as long as I can get it!