I became a lifeguard in the summer of 1991. I was 17. In addition to being a lifeguard that summer, I danced in the evenings and on my day off. I never held a job during the school year as my parents wanted me to focus on my grades and ballet. But every summer, I was a lifeguard. During college, same thing applied. No job during the school year, but I worked roughly six days week all summer long, and I attended summer school. The summer of my senior year in college, I worked six days a week as a guard, one evening a week and every Saturday in retail. I had one day a week off.
At the age of 23, I moved to Kansas City and worked for Harold's as an assistant ladies manager, working my way to ladies manager. I worked weekends, holidays, nights, and days. I had two days off a week, but never in a row, and rarely on a weekend. In 1999 I decided I needed a change and interviewed for corporate America. In December of that year, I began working for Sprint North Supply. During my tenure in telecom, I worked at SNS, Sprint, Embarq, and eventually CenuryLink. In December of 2013, I celebrated my 14th service anniversary. On April 25, 2014, I walked out of CenturyLink as a result of downsizing. I'm officially a "stay at home mom"! For now, anyway.
My routine over the last 17+ years has been to wake up, shower, get dressed, drive to work, work a full eight hour day (or more), drive home, and commence with the various evening activities that lie ahead. In my single days, especially in retail, it was coming home to a box of cereal, a gallon of milk, and whatever was TV. After I started dating my husband, it consisted of partying, rehearsals for shows, partying after rehearsal, performing in said show, partying after the show, and finding time to eat and sleep. After we got married, it was pretty much the same, with weddings and travel scattered in. Upon the arrival of McKinley, it's been making dinner, bathes, playing, bedtime rituals, and trying to sleep. Basically, my life has been wake up, hit the floor, and don't stop until your head hits the pillow. And I loved every minute of it.
This past week, things have been a little slower, a little trying, a little overwhelming. Monday was a challenge in getting McKinley and I fed, me showered and dressed, McKinley dressed, and getting us both out the door for an 11:00 doctor's appointment for him. We did it, but I was in a lather of sweat before we got there! The rest of the day played out nicely, but by bedtime I was exhausted. Tuesday, was slightly different. There was no shower, only breakfast, time to shave my legs, and getting us both dressed to attend Toddler Time at a local gym. From there we hit the grocery store, had lunch, came home for a nap (McKinley only), while I put away the perishable items and worked a little on my personal style blog. Wednesday found us in another hectic morning routine. Again, breakfast went off without a hitch, but it was a shower day for me as I had a dentist appointment. I got us both ready, but again I was a lather of sweat by the time the whole ordeal was over! (I'm beginning to wonder why I shower at all.) My dad saved the day by picking up McKinley for a local library story hour. I was planning on meeting my mom at the dentist for the transfer, but I now had some time to run a few errands before the appointment. Thanks dad! I'm not even sure what we did on Thursday but I'm pretty sure it didn't involve a shower.
By Friday, I was frazzled. Joel was getting off early, and we planned to take the three of us to lunch at McKinley's favorite place, Fritz's. Fritz's is a local eatery designed around trains. A train track runs the perimeter of the restaurant and a train delivers your food to your table. McKinley has a blast every time! And, I was looking forward to the three of us having a fun family day on a Friday. That so did not happen! Instead, after I got showered, dressed, him dressed just as dada was to arrive home, McKinley announced he didn't want to go anywhere or do anything fun. He just wanted to play with his cars and trucks, run his mover over the yard, swing, and stay home all day. I was crushed. It was going to be Friday Family Funday. A rarity in this house. A day that revolved around all the things that McKinley loved to do and we didn't have to wait for Saturday or Sunday to do them. But he was adamant. Every time I mentioned it, he would yell no, "run away" which is his favorite thing to do when mad, and insisted on staying home. So stay home we did. I took off the cute outfit I had so thoroughly planned for the other blog, tried hard not to cry, and went out in the backyard to do all the other things McKinley wanted to do.
The rest of the day just went downhill. Joel came home, was fine with the change of plans, but by late afternoon was as frustrated as I was. McKinley was tired, refused to nap, and as a result, was a complete bear for the remainder of the day. I was irritable because my plans had been ruined, and Joel felt slighted for having a free day that was spent with a grumpy family. Friday Family Funday was a total flop!
I immediately went into self deprecation mode. I wasn't cut out for stay at home mom status. McKinley preferred staying with Meme and Granddaddy versus any time with Mama. I might as well start looking for a job, any job, because there was no point in trying to stick out the summer with him. And I stayed in this funk for the rest of the day. On the brink of tears every time I thought about how the events of the day went down. Saturday was amazing. We all went to the zoo and had a wonderful day. It totally made up for the flop of a Friday we had the day before. However, it was much the same on Sunday.
I have found that my son is completely content to stay at home and play. And why wouldn't he be. For the last three years, he has spent roughly four days a week at my parents house, aside from the occasional Friday I kept him home or the few vacations we took. He hasn't had the opportunity to stay at home, day in and day out, playing with his toys, in his house, in his room, and he's taking full advantage of this transition. I, however, am not taking full advantage of my transition. I'm the "still on the go" girl that I've been for the past 17+ years. I've never really had down time. There were a few Sunday's here and there that we would nap, pre-baby, but those were few and far between. I don't know what it's like to just get up, not shower, throw on whatever clothes I can find, or staying in my pajamas for the majority of the day, and just be. I constantly feel the need to be moving. To be on the go. Or, as I always tell Joel, "rest when I'm dead."
What I need to do is take a cue from my son. I don't have to get up everyday and have an enormous day of activities planned. I don't have to shower and put on makeup to make it a productive day. What I need to do is just take everyday as it comes. Go with the flow. Be a little more laid back. And lay on the floor playing cars and trucks, or go in the backyard and swing him for hours. I need to transition my life into a much more relaxed state of mind, body, and spirit. And, if I don't shower for a couple of days, and the hair on my legs is long enough to braid, at least I can say I was able to cut it as a stay at home mom, for now.
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