Motherhood and Selfishness

I'm an only child. And, for those of us only children, most people expect us to be selfish, self-centered people, right? I would like to think that I don't fit into either category. Yes, I do think about myself from time to time, but who doesn't? Am I selfish? Sure, when it comes to things like sharing my time with my child, sharing my mascara with others (gross) or sharing a toothbrush with my husband. Who does that anyway? So, when I thought about having a child, I knew that my time as an only would come to a screeching halt.

What do I mean by that? Well, as an only child, I'm doted on. It's a perk of being an only child and only only children know this behavior. You don't have to share your toys, your time with your parents, your anything. My parents gave me all of their attention but didn't lavish me with gifts. If anything, it was the opposite. I didn't get what I wanted when I wanted it. I got things for Christmas, Easter, Valentines and birthday just like everyone else. However, it didn't stop once I hit a certain age. I still get something for all of those holidays and I love it. Not afraid to brag about it. But, again, upon having a child, I knew somethings would change. I'm not the first person they hug upon entering the door. I'm not the first person they ask about when I call to say hello. And that's okay. That's how it's supposed to be.

The other part of being a mother means that there isn't much time for you anymore. You put all of your time and energy into your child without thought or regret. But, aren't there times when you just feel like being a little selfish? Or is that me? There are times where I miss waking up past 8:00 on a Saturday morning only to move to the couch and watch nothing on TV. I miss going out to dinner on a Friday night and then staying out way too late because we didn't need to come home. Hence, the waking up past 8:00 on a Saturday morning. I miss packing up and jetting off to NY or LA, or anywhere for that matter, because Joel and I needed to get away for a weekend. It doesn't mean I don't love my son any less, does it?

My latest selfish thought as been centered around a day of doing absolutely nothing and with no one in particular! And when I say nothing, what I really mean is having a pajama party and watching the Twilight Saga, in all five parts, from start to finish! Doesn't that sound completely amazing? I would start with lattes and breakfast. Lunch somewhere in between, preferably something delivered or a drive-thru. (I'm in my pajamas remember.) Then, I would conclude the evening with wine and pizza. A handful of girlfriends, tissues and munches would be a welcomed addition.

Midnight Showing of New Moon

Midnight Showing of Eclipse

Seriously, am I alone in this kind of thinking? Do other mothers wish for a day all to themselves? Or are you all saints and I'm simply that selfish, self-centered only child I didn't think I was? Anyone....